she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
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I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
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Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My breasts were aching with rage.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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