Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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