the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
