i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You're like the curious george of whores
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
