dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
