yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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