And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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