My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize