allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
