No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
