Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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