I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
