How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
