My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
