Whod you bang
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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