I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
