He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
