i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
