Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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