Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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