Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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