"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
