I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
