Betty ford says i'm here all night
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
