no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
