Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
