at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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