The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
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It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
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i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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