While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
