Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
