i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
