Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
