He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
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Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
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I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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