well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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