Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
