his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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