just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
