Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
