Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
