I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Can Purell be used as lube?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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