I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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