i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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