From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
