He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
