so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
