If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
