Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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