I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
