I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
