people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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