His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
