I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
