The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
