he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
