my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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