She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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