dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
