id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
