my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
