Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
