I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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