White coat. Heels.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
