it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Randomize
