Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
