note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
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pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
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She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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