I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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