Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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