"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
