You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
