Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
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So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize