i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
